Forum of IELTS, TOEFL , GRE, GMAT and other English Exams / help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

nono · 24-07-2010 08:50:15

ielts academic writing

writing task 2
question:In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.
(write 250 words.)

my answer:
Finishing high school is an important step taken by all students at school.It is one of the main "building blocks" of their knowledge and education.Then comes either starting university studies or taking a gap year to experience work. Which is the best choice?

Well, first of all, the answer to this qusetion differs from a student to another. It actually depends on each students perspective of this topic,because each individual will look at it from different angles.In today's modern,fast lane world, i believe that education is a crucial aspect in one's lives.Secondly,the more a person knows the more they are prepared for the world therefore,the more likely they will find a job opportunity than their counter parts.

On the other hand, work experience is also important to any student at a young age because it broadens their horizons. Moreover,it provides them with the experience of the outside world.This is helpful to anyone because,they are used to books and theories , whereas, work is in fact ,a practical way of learning.Thus, pupils become well-rounded amd ready for any challenges or competitions they might face.Also, travel is an essential part of learning,as,it introduces different cultures and traditions from all around the world to the student.

In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of starting university studies outweight the advantages of work.Hence, i think that students should go to university right after graduating from high school.

Pete J · 26-07-2010 19:01:04

Hi

After reading the first three paragraphs of your essay, I thought your opinion was that there were more advantages to taking a gap year.

When I read your conclusion, however, I saw you think that there are more advantages to going straight to university after high school.

I think the quickest way to improve your essay writing for your test this week is to make sure your opinion is clear and consistent.

Have a look at what it says about the writer's opinion in the public version of the official IELTS Writing band descriptors.

- IELTS band score 7: "[Candidate] presents a clear position throughout the response"

- IELTS band score 6: "[Candidate] presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive"

- IELTS band score 5: "[Candidate] expresses an opinion but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn"

Good luck,

Pete

nono · 27-07-2010 12:29:53

Pete J wrote:
Hi

After reading the first three paragraphs of your essay, I thought your opinion was that there were more advantages to taking a gap year.

When I read your conclusion, however, I saw you think that there are more advantages to going straight to university after high school.

I think the quickest way to improve your essay writing for your test this week is to make sure your opinion is clear and consistent.

Have a look at what it says about the writer's opinion in the public version of the official IELTS Writing band descriptors.

- IELTS band score 7: "[Candidate] presents a clear position throughout the response"

- IELTS band score 6: "[Candidate] presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive"

- IELTS band score 5: "[Candidate] expresses an opinion but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn"

Good luck,

Pete

hi thanks for your reply .... so are you saying that i got a band 5 ?? i need to know how much i am capable of scoring?? because my time is v. limited and i have a certain target to achieve..

nono · 27-07-2010 12:31:50

nono wrote:
Pete J wrote:
Hi

After reading the first three paragraphs of your essay, I thought your opinion was that there were more advantages to taking a gap year.

When I read your conclusion, however, I saw you think that there are more advantages to going straight to university after high school.

I think the quickest way to improve your essay writing for your test this week is to make sure your opinion is clear and consistent.

Have a look at what it says about the writer's opinion in the public version of the official IELTS Writing band descriptors.

- IELTS band score 7: "[Candidate] presents a clear position throughout the response"

- IELTS band score 6: "[Candidate] presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive"

- IELTS band score 5: "[Candidate] expresses an opinion but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn"

Good luck,

Pete
hi thanks for your reply .... so are you saying that i got a band 5 ?? i need to know how much i am capable of scoring?? because my time is v. limited and i have a certain target to achieve..

oh and actually the qusetion says that i should give the pros and cons and at the end say my opinion on the topic so thats exactly what i did but if there's any problem in my english plz notify me about that.... thank you.

Pete J · 27-07-2010 20:04:48

Hi,

I'm saying that the quickest way to improve your IELTS score for your test this week is to make your opinion consistent throughout your essay. (The overall score that you get for your writing will also depend on your organistaion and linking, your grammar and your vocabulary).

When you gave your opinion in your conclusion it was not consistent with what you had previously said.

In the main body of your essay, you gave more advantages to taking a gap year than you you did for going straight to university, but in your conclusion you stated that there are more advantages to going straight to university.

Hope that helps,

Pete

Last edited by Pete J (28-07-2010 17:21:39)

#1 24-07-2010 08:50:15

help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

#2 26-07-2010 19:01:04

Re: help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

#3 27-07-2010 12:29:53

Re: help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

Pete J wrote:

#4 27-07-2010 12:31:50

Re: help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

nono wrote:

Pete J wrote:

#5 27-07-2010 20:04:48

Re: help needed!! plz help my ielts exam is in a week.....

Board footer